she smelled like a LAN party
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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