Im at strip club and am horny
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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