I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
