i need an iv and a liver transplant
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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