just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
