Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
