i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
