So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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