Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
