Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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