i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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