i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
