At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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