DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
