she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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