I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
