8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize