i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
