I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
