the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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