Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
