it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
