The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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