11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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