I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
