3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
