we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
