Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
