At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
