i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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