Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
