I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
