It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
