We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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