By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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