Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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