Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
