we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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