I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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