I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
