Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
