It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
