Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
