Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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