I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
