Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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