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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Shut up. I did not.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I really wish I was making that up.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  never. drinking. again.

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  lets not get ahead of ourselves.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper

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• (425): View more from Washington

  He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  None of those words made sense together.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  You don't have a cat...

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• (818): View more from California

  DRUNK COOKIES

  (1-818): View more from California

  Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?

  (818): View more from California

  Yes

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