The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
