Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
