bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
