she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
