dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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