man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize