can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
