it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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