i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
