Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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