Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize