if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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