I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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