I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
