ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
