My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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