Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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