i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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