ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
