Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fuck appropriateness.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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