hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
