Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
