I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
