oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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