i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
