Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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