Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize