I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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