Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
