Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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