I hate your face
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize
