the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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