Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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