i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
