Nicole vs. Life
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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