Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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