Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
