wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
