i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
