anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i will never coherently bang her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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