For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
