Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
