What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
