I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When are your genitals available?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
