The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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