If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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