So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I AM VODKA MAN
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
