first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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