just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
