I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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