Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
