Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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